When life gets overwhelming, most of us turn to someone we trust. This might be a partner, a close friend or a family member. Talking things through can be incredibly comforting. But have you ever noticed that even after a long, heartfelt chat with a friend, you still feel stuck? Or that the problem seems to grow the more you talk about it?
That feeling might have more to do with how you’re processing the problem than who you’re talking to.
The Power and Limitations of Friendship
Supportive friends can be life-changing. They offer empathy, shared experiences, and emotional closeness. In difficult times, they can help us feel less alone. But even the most well-meaning friend isn’t trained to spot the difference between processing an issue and getting caught in a cycle of overthinking.
In a study by Afifi et al. (2013), researchers found that when people engaged in verbal rumination (which is defined as repeatedly talking about a problem), support from friends didn’t reduce anxiety. In fact, the study showed that rumination often increased after these conversations.
What did improve?
People felt more satisfied with the friendship itself. The emotional bond grew stronger. But the issue that brought them to the conversation? That often remained.
Understanding Co-Rumination
Co-rumination is what happens when we revisit and rehash the same problems with someone over and over again without moving forward. It can feel cathartic in the moment, but over time, it reinforces stress and helplessness.
Well-meaning friends might:
- Offer frequent reassurance (“You’re doing everything you can.”)
- Join in the venting (“I can’t believe that happened to you!”)
- Avoid challenging your thoughts out of fear of upsetting you
These responses come from a place of care but they can keep you locked in a loop of emotional distress.
What Makes Talking to a Psychologist Different?
Psychologists are trained to do something friends can’t: interrupt unhelpful thought patterns, gently challenge your perspective, and equip you with tools to cope more effectively.
Rather than revisiting the problem in circles, a psychologist helps you:
- Identify inaccurate or unhelpful thinking patterns that can negatively impact how you feel, behave and perceive yourself and the world. This is known as cognitive distortions and therapies such as CBT are effective in addressing this problem.
- Build emotional regulation skills which help you to understand, manage, and respond to your emotional experiences in a healthy and flexible way.
- Set goals and take practical steps toward change.
- Strengthen your ability to problem-solve independently.
You’re not just heard in a session, but you’re guided by evidence based research. That guidance is what breaks the cycle of rumination and creates space for growth and confidence.
Friends and Psychologists: Not an Either-Or
It’s important to say this clearly, that friendship and therapy are not in competition.
Friends provide closeness, belonging, and understanding. They walk alongside you through life’s ups and downs. A psychologist does something else. They’re not a friend, but rather someone you have a therapeutic relationship with. A psychologist helps you step back, see the bigger picture, and move forward with clarity.
You can have both a friend and psychologist for support. And at different times, you may need one more than the other.
Feeling Stuck? You’re Not Alone.
If you’ve found yourself overthinking the same problem, feeling weighed down by anxiety, or unsure how to move forward, it’s okay to reach out for something more structured.
At Mind Lift Psychology, we’re here to support you in creating real, lasting change, not just comfort in the moment, but clarity that carries you into the future with confidence.
You don’t have to stay stuck. Support is here when you’re ready.
